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my legs on my dash
You’re lying in your bed on a soft Saturday morning. There’s 2 weeks before school starts up again and you’ve worked hard all summer; you’re so close. You’re not at your goal weight yet, but you’ve seen the changes: the hollowing face, high cheekbones, defining collar ones, thinning legs, tiny waist and wrists; you can see it all slowly shrinking to where you want them to be.
You swing your body out of your bed, not realizing how much easier it is than when you were at your starting weight. You didn’t do amazingly yesterday, but you stayed under your calorie intake so everything should be good.
You use the bathroom, take off your clothes, and step on the scale. Your eyes widen.
What!?! This isn’t possible! How did you gain half a pound?
You starting freaking out and water starts to bubble in your eyes. Why am I so fat, why can’t I do anything right, I’m not going to get there in time! You start thinking about how much you’re being set back and how hard you think you’re working. Then, you start to think about food and everything that you’ve been neglecting downstairs. You think about the nutella that you’ve been eyeing for weeks, the pizza you refused to eat last night, the cake from your siblings birthday, the brownies and cookies your parent just made. You make sure everyones sleeping and start to run downstairs and take everything out. You’ve already messed up, why not ruin the whole day? You’re eyeing all the food and you eyes land on the jar of nutella. You open it, take out a knife, and start spreading it on the cookies and brownies. It looks so good and it’ll probably taste so good too…
You pick up and hold one nutella covered brownie in your hand and stare. You’re about to take a bite when you get a notification. You look down at your phone and its your ana buddy messaging you:
“I broke my plateau! I’m finally under my 2nd Goal Weight! We’re literally doing so well! How’s your morning?”
You stare at this message. They’ve been at their weight for a week now and working really hard to break it. You think about all the motivation that they and all the other people on tumblr have been giving you; your followers, your favorite thinspo blogs. You start to think about the amount of calories in everything you’re about to consume and the ways you’ll have to get rid of it. You glare at the nutella. Will this taste as good when I’m skinny? Yes. Why should I mess myself up so much more? What good would this bring to me right now? It’ll only set me back more… I know I’m hungry and it’s hard but I’m almost there.
You finally put the brownie down. It’s not my bodies fault that I haven’t been working as hard as I should. If I want to reach my goal weight, I have to work for it. Bingeing right now will only put me back.
You put all the food back quickly before anyone wakes up. You leave the brownies and cookies at your parents room door and write a note saying its a good morning treat even though you’re just trying to get rid of all of this junk.
You go back upstairs, lay in your bed, and breathe. You go through your blog and feel yourself calming down. You reply to your buddy:
“I gained, but thats okay. I’m going to run a little longer, run a little faster, work a lot harder, and eat a little less.”
With that, you start your day with a hard workout. You come back, shower, stay well under your calorie intake for the day, and then go bed hoping for a better day.
You’re lying in your bed on a forgiving Sunday morning. There’s 1 week and 6 days before school starts up again and you’ve worked hard all summer; you’re so close.
You use the bathroom, take off your clothes, and step on the scale. Your eyes widen.
You’ve lost 2.5 lbs in one day! Water starts to bubble in your eyes and you can’t stop smiling and crazy laughing. You fought off that binge and did so, so well. I’m going to make it no matter what, you tell yourself. Just you wait.
If you ever feel like you’re not doing well enough or that you made a small set back, remember that bingeing isn’t the answer. You just have to keep PUSHING THROUGH. You know what to do and you’ve come so far, keep going. You’re almost there. You got this, and we’re all here for you.
Stay Safe.
